Yesterday, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, after Grayson and I finished slurping down brunch at Chez Oscar, we decided to fight the ‘itis by watching a movie. We picked Repo Men directed by Miguel Sapochnik over Willow, the 1988 classic fantasy film about an adventurous dwarf. In retrospect it was horrible decision.

Repo Men started with an interesting idea: In an age where science can produce artificial organs while men are still slaves to an outrageous capitalistic system, bounty hunters attack men, women, and children, repossessing their silver, vital organs and leaving the indebted to die. Fascinating, but horribly, horribly constructed and riddled with gaps.

For instance, why was there no mention of a government? If there are SO many people with artificial organs, wouldn’t public outcry force politicians to at least subsidize these procedures and restrict brutal repossessions? Why, if the main character suffered heart failure while on the job and using company machinery, didn’t the company pay for his new artificial heart? I’m sure in a society that loves to sue as much as this one, the company would have been on hand and foot to keep Jude Law nice and happy.

My sentiments exactly, Antoine Dodson.

The best worst part? The cutter-porn scene near the end. Jude Law and his feminine counterpart must cut each other open and scan their fake organs into a system so they will be erased and free to live their lives in peace. While they slice each other open and stick their hands in each others chest cavities, they kiss passionately and dry-hump on a white table. What? What is this? I don’t even.

Repo Men got a 6.3/10 on Imdb. I’m giving it a 3.8/10.